Can I Get Back To You On That?
Okay. Here’s some office advice. Most of us have a day job and most of us love them. I know I do. But there are times when I’d really like to go up to some colleagues and knock on their forehead and scream “H E L L O!!!” I point out one thing in particular from my day yesterday.I’m all for time management – well, at work anyway. But there are times when one should really just step back.
After leaving a fairly grueling meeting of idle banter and hideous (no I mean really hideous) powerpoint presentations (if you don’t know how to do animations and sound, DON’T DO THEM), I made my way to the restroom. The meeting was about 2 hrs 20 minutes and like a dumbass I didn’t take my potty break before, for a previous meeting ran late.
Following me into the restroom was an Uncle Fester-esque guy from the meeting. The type of guy who pushes the drone and length of a meeting by asking questions which have either been covered or are in the meeting materials, but of course was so intent on picking his nose and ears, he missed the info.
So he began questioning me and I found myself stuck in the stall REALLY needing to poop. I have a thing against pooping with other people in the bathroom. Just one of those bodily functions that should not be shared with strangers or colleagues, but I’m sensitive that way. I’d held it back for over 2 hours and now Chatty Cathy starts questioning me about Super Mango’s (yes there are such things - not sure if they have little red capes or not - and never knew there were such things until yesterday, but I work in Foreign Agriculture so I guess there are a million more things I have yet to find out).
I asked him if we could continue this q&a outside. And his reply?
“Oh that’s okay, poot away, don’t mind me! I don’t mind at all! Heh Heh Heh (a la Jabba the Hut).
!
So the first thought in my head is that he’s into scat – no not the type of jazz singing. Not sure why that came into my head but it did. So I thought I could hold my poop some more and just pee it off, but no, of course, I was crowning for Christ's sake. So I thought it best to hold some more and as I zipped up I turned around and saw Fester peering over the stall door.
“False alarm, eh? Heh Heh Heh”
I raised an eyebrow and was really put off that a colleague would be peering over a stall to carry on a conversation about Super Mango’s. Just when one thinks they’ve seen and heard everything, a new miracle of wonderment befalls us.
So I try to get out of the stall and Fester stands there still asking his questions.
“Um, could you let me out please,” I ask
“oh, heh heh he, you don’t wanna stay in there all day, huh, heh heh heh’
“No. No I don’t.”
“So by what other means can we boost the global competitiveness of Philippine Super Mangos?”
“I
Don’t
Know. But I can find out for you and email you back later today, okay?”
“OH SURE, heh heh heh. You wanna do lunch”
“No, I’m not feeling that well today, but thank you”.
Folks – do not carry on conversations in restrooms when the person to whom you are speaking goes in a stall and wants to take a poop. And for god sakes, unless it’s 1970 and you’re at a glory-hole-blow-and-go, don’t ever EVER stand by a restroom stall door and carry on your conversation while looking down into the stall.
It is MOST creepy.
posted by Saint Vincent @ 11:04 AM
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